Man's Expectations Leave Woman Taken Aback
DEAR HARRIETTE: I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. We're still getting to know each other, and recently he told me something new about himself, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Sometimes we spend the night together, and yes, if you're wondering, when we do, we are usually physically intimate. Recently, he invited me over for a nightcap and I went, but when I shared that I was on my period, he asked that I let him know in advance so he can "manage [his] expectations." He claims he's still happy to invite me over, but he wants to be aware so he's not anticipating something he can't have.
I don't know how I feel about this. Is this a red flag? Maybe not, but it has definitely caused me some uneasiness. Cycle aside, what if I am tired or lazy or just don't want to? Will I have to share that in advance, too? Is this something I should talk to him about? Should I move on before things go further? -- Advance Notice
DEAR ADVANCE NOTICE: This means a few things. You have helped to create the expectation that when you are with him, you will be intimate. You need to talk to him about it. The reality is that women menstruate, and you have to deal with it. Additionally, people have ebbs and flows around intimacy. You should address what that means to you and how taken aback you were at his comment. Neither of you should take anything for granted. Part of the challenge of being intimate with people early on in relationships is that it comes before you get to know each other well and figure out your patterns and nature.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met a younger man who has made it clear he is romantically interested in me. We are both adults, but there is a nearly 20-year age difference between us, and I can't decide how much that should matter. He seems unusually mature for his age -- almost like an old soul. He has refined interests in art, culture and history, and I'm impressed by his emotional intelligence and the way he communicates. In many ways, our connection feels surprisingly natural. The bigger issue is me. I haven't dated in a long time, and I'm not sure this is how I want to jump back into having a love life. Part of me is curious about exploring the connection, while another part worries that the age gap could create complications I'm not ready for. How do I weigh the pros and cons without letting the number alone make the decision for me? -- Age Gap
DEAR AGE GAP: Consider it a compliment that this younger man is interested in you! Why not go out with him? You don't have to marry him. Do something fun together. Allow yourself to giggle again. You need not rush into bed with him, but you can slowly enjoy his overtures and decide how far you want to go. Don't deprive yourself of the chance to have some fun with someone who genuinely likes you.
========
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Comments